Dear Lord what a pile of rubbish. To simply represent Creepozoids as another uncouth budget dread film would fair be unfair. Movies like this truly are in a league all their gain.
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The year is 1998, and nuclear war has reduced the earth to nothing more than a smoldering, blackened shell of a planet. The only acquire of human life remaining are dinky bands of soldiers who struggle to survive the acid rain and the creatures that rise from the nuclear destroy. (Mind you we don’t actually discover this acid rain or the creatures, the opening credits simply screech us about it with text) . A particular group of these soldiers have deserted the army to begin lives of their maintain in a military bunker, but what they don’t query is the creature waiting for them within.
I’m always up for some nonsensical 80’s terror gobbledy gook, but Creepozoids is fair downright offensive in it’s stupidity. What we have here is a group of people running around what is obviously one of those rental storage spaces while they acquire chased down by giant rat puppets and a guy in a dim rubber alien suit. Because this movie really doesn’t deserve the time to be analyzed, I’ll summarize by saying that every aspect of Creepozoids from the acting to the special effects are the worst of the worst. Even if you’re impartial in it for the laughs, it’s rough times ahead.
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There are certainly worse movies out there, but don’t rob that as a mark to bustle out and spy Creepozoids. Leave this one for the most hardcore collectors and anxiety completists.
You gotta admire the 1980s! I pity the youngsters born after the Age of Reagan. Why? Because they will sit down in front of the television region, peer a cheese filled flick like David DeCoteau’s “Creepozoids,” and abhor it intensely without every belief the context that allowed such a monstrosity to ogle the light of day. You must understand the Gipper, MTV, and Member’s Only jackets to glean this flick. Actually, not really. None of those things have anything to do with “Creepozoids”. There exist only two things you need to know about the 1980s in order to understand this movie: nose candy and the arrival of videocassette recordings. The broken-down sufficiently dulled the senses of movie executives in such a manner that they concept dreck like this had a chance to perform money. The latter actively encouraged the production of thousands of zero budget crudfests because the rise of video stores demanded shelves chunky of current product. Not necessarily Well-behaved product, mind you, but product that would empty the wallets of every yahoo with a membership card. And there you go. These two elements of the 1980s, working in concert, interpret why a movie like “Creepozoids” got the green light.
The green light leaves us, the viewers, to assume up the assorted pieces in order to fashion a coherent record. Kindly luck on that coherency thing. “Creepozoids” is a mess of a film. It’s also a moderately tantalizing one if the viewer possesses a taste for especially tangy cheese. It all starts with our heroes, deserters from the army no less, seeking shelter in an underground facility. It’s the year 1998, and World War III has turned the world into a smoking cinder plagued by periodic bouts of highly toxic acid rain. Our cast seeks shelter from one of these storms, although it’s very likely they’re also seeking refuge from their agents and publicists. Anyway, the group consists of two women, Bianca (Linnea Quigley) and Kate (Kim McKamy), and three men: Butch (Ken Abraham), Jesse (Michael Aranda), and Jake (Richard L. Hawkins) . The horrors that await our heroes and heroines down in the depths! What lies in this refuge of last resort is so horrific, so dreadful, and so incomprehensible beyond any human plan that the trauma endured by actress Kim McKamy caused her to morph into adult film star Ashlyn Gere. It’s that utterly catastrophic to the human soul!
Nah, it’s not that poor unless you expected to gawk a quality represent. What our deserters glance in this dank cavern is a government weapons program gone horribly awry. That, and they also fetch some hilariously inept rat puppets. The group also finds a shower that will accommodate a topless Bianca, a storage room, a cheesy computer terminal, and some tunnels in which everyone can accelerate around looking paralyzed. And the creepozoid. What’s that? Oh, not mighty. Some dude dressed up in a dim rubber outfit whose essential mission involves dispatching the deserters in dreadful ways. Judge “Alien” and you’re on the legal track–except not nearly as evil, creative, or realistic in any plot, shape, or execute. To do a few bucks, we don’t survey remarkable blood. Instead, the creature and its offspring (!) cause their victims to spew a murky substance that looks suspiciously like the 10W-30 I drained out of my car last week. Anyway, lots of running around and acting idiotic leads up to a denouement of a decidedly underwhelming nature as the sole survivor deals with the base monster. Was there ever any doubt of such a conclusion? Nope. Sadly, the movie seems to place itself up for a sequel.
I splendid considerable knew what I was getting myself into when I picked up this clunker. With a title like “Creepozoids,” coupled with that silly screen art on the DVD case, how could I claim otherwise? Let’s rush down the list of the film’s main points, shall we? A director known for his association with schlockmeister Charles Band? Check. Wail queen Linnea Quigley in the middle of her nose candy years? Check. Linnea Quigley topless in the shower? Check. Ubercheesy monster that looks like a four year frail made it out of pipe cleaners and playdoh? Check. A post-apocalyptic setting that actually looks like my basement tricked out with a few props picked up at the local hardware store? Check. A toilet paper script delivered with all the flair of a semi-comatose mental patient reading Finnegan’s Wake? Check. I contemplate there’s enough in that list to convince you we’re not watching “Citizen Kane” here. If you want to behold “Citizen Kane,” go rent it. Retract up “Creepozoids” if you’re feeling cheap, cheesy, and sleazy. Win it up if you’re suffering from insomnia. Remove up my copy. Please. I’m begging you. Seriously, the reek wafting off of this film is starting to contaminate my other DVDs.
In all seriousness, however, Linnea Quigley fans will probably want to idea the film. Those viewers afflicted with the need to perceive endless mounds of poor science fiction (I plead guilty) will also want to give this one a perceive. The movie does have a definite nostalgic charm for me since this is the stuff I grew up watching on cable television after a hard night of partying. I guess I ought to say something about the technical aspects of the disc. The recount and audio quality isn’t titanic, but they aren’t terrible either. Both are adequate for this type of movie. As for supplements, don’t question grandiose commentaries or extensive slow the scenes features. In fact, the disc I viewed had zero extras. There might have been a trailer for the film thrown in, but I don’t remember. I was too traumatized to care. So why am I going to give “Creepozoids” two stars instead of one? Because it’s the type of film you can laugh at while sitting around with your buddies. That ought to count for something, don’t you reflect?
Get a Good Night Sleep
TriSlim
